I spent last week in the Adirondack Mountains, timed to coincide with my annual fall foliage workshop. Per my usual M.O., I went a few days early to have time to myself and pursue my own photography. Despite the beautiful fall colors and calm mornings with fog-laden ponds, I found the image-making laborious. That’s how it usually is these days. Oh, there were many typical fall images I could have made, but I passed those by. Pretty though they may be, those scenes have long ceased to inspire. The truth is, not much inspires me these days when it comes to photography. It is a condition that has been plaguing me for many months now.
I believe there are two types of artists, those who are content producing the same kind of work over and over and those who are constantly evolving, or at least yearn to do so. I strive to be the latter, even though it is a much tougher road. As our vision evolves with life experiences, so should our artwork. As the years roll by and the backlog of images grows it has become more and more difficult to produce images that please me. A case of been there, done that. As someone who becomes bored easily, not only do I have little desire to repeat myself, but I don’t see the point. What this means, however, is that the question of “what’s next?” is constantly hanging over my head. After a brilliant and illustrious career, pioneering jazz/rock drummer Bill Bruford retired when, in his own words, he couldn’t see what was next, something he had always been able to do. Ansel Adams was only 50 years old when his best work was behind him. He made only a few significant photographs in the last 32 years of his life. I am now one month shy of turning 56. What happens when I reach the limit of my potential and cease to evolve? What if I fail to find “what’s next?”? Scary questions indeed.
Creativity carries with it no guarantee of success. When the low-hanging fruit has been all but picked, what remains is limited only by our imagination. My greatest fear is that I have reached that limit. I know I am not the most creative photographer. Maybe I am selling myself short, but then again, maybe not. The only way to know is to get out and make images. Patience and the management of expectations are key. I had an experience last week when both were in short supply, and I found myself falling back into old habits. I became frustrated and depressed when I was having difficulty seeing anything new, or as I prefer to think of it, seeing things newly. I found myself pressing, trying too hard to make meaningful images.
There was a time when it was common to return from an outing with a few stand-out images. Those days are long gone, and rightly so. More than simply a case of having a larger backlog of images, I have become more discriminating when it comes to my photography. My definition of “stand-out” has changed considerably, from one based solely on aesthetics to one of depth of personal expression and authenticity. If I come away with one meaningful image after several days of photography and the rest are rubbish, then so be it. There is no quota to be made, no editor to satisfy. I have the luxury of placing quality over quantity.
What concerns me most of late is a lack of interest in making images. It’s a lack of interest in photography in general, a malaise that confounds and concerns me. I am bored with most of my photographs and those of others. As I’ve mentioned in previous writings, I am not a prolific photographer. I don’t feel a need or desire to “capture” nature’s magnificent moments. After 30 years, I’ve seen a lot of photography and made a lot of photography. Traditional “landscape” photography by and large bores me now, yet that is my genre. So much of it is tired and formulaic. Not mine, mind you. That’s not quite true of course, though I wish it was. I am buoyed by the fact that when I do make a special image I feel that familiar joy. Lately, those moments have been few and far between. I sense a reckoning at play, I’m just not sure what it is yet. Time will tell. In the meantime, all there is to do is continue to move forward.
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